I was determined. Determined not to fall in love again or be blind to the signs of something so obviously bad for me. I will watch for the signs this time. Older and wiser – that’s me.
Its been a few years since I had dared to venture out into the dating world. I decided to accompany a friend to a birthday party. No sooner had I walked in when there she was. Here we go again. I dismissed the thought as being silly and got myself a drink and joined a group near the fireplace. I caught her eyes as I looked up……or did her eyes catch mine…..I don’t remember.
It was the beginning of me and Koekie from Ermelo.
The rest of the room disappeared as we engaged in conversation. Dear God please give me signs if she is the one.
Ah she also loved photography – was that a coincidence? Her grandmothers second name on her fathers side is the same as the second name of my third cousin – unbelievable! Yep the signs are all there. What type of person is she though? I probe some more. She has two hamsters, Diesel and Dust which impresses me as I conclude she must be an animal lover. I am totally absorbed in this conversation. My friend interrupts us and says she has to leave unexpectedly. Reluctantly I agree to leave with her and exchange contact details with Koekie who had to leave as well to take Diesel and Dust for a walk.
I am on cloud 9. I explain to my friend how much we have in common. She rolls her eyes and asks me a few other questions about Koekie none of which I am able to answer. Details, details. It’s all trivial now. This is the woman for me.
The next day at work is a blur. I feel like I am floating. All the people that usually annoy me are just noises in the background. I log into my computer and change all my passwords to koekie, koekie1, koekie2 and koekie3. I draw hearts all over my deskpad. I use every possible font in calligraphy and draw the letter “K” all over.
During lunch time I delete my profile off “Date-a-damn-hot-lesbian dot com”. I go out and buy myself some coffee. I can’t eat and find myself just staring into space with a sheepish grin on my face.
That evening I log onto my computer at home. I go to the tarot sites, the astrological sites, the horoscope page and the compatibility chart. I seek confirmation – are we compatible – will it last – is she the one? The tarot site doesn’t have good news – best I try a few more times and make it the best out of three. Maybe the site has a technical problem. I stare at my cellphone. Would it be too soon to phone her? I rehearse what I am going to say. No best I write it down – wouldn’t want to get all tongue-tied and forget my words! I phone and invite her out for dinner. She accepts! I am so excited I do the mexican wave and forget I am in a bad reception area and lose the call in mid-air. I frantically try and phone her back but its engaged. I leave a message saying what time I will be meeting her.
I have an hour to get ready. Everything I want to wear just screams lesbian. No. Time to turn over a new leaf. Maybe just wear the black jeans, white shirt and Doc Martins.
I walk into the restaurant and she is there waiting. I worry that I am late but its her that’s early. Damn she’s hot. I am excited to see her. We sit down to some wine and more conversation. Dear God is she the one?
I feel like I have known her forever. We both grew up in the Free State. She grew up on a farm and I grew up next to one. She had five animals and so did I. (She had five dogs and I had two budgies, one cat and two goldfish). Her favourite colour was blue and so was my brothers. The coincidences went on and on. When I found out that she was on the same anti-depressants I was – that was it. Our union was written in the stars.
We stumbled through her front door, down the dark passage into her bedroom. We couldn’t get enough of each other. The next morning I woke up with the sun shining into my eyes. I looked around and it looked like a can of Biggie Best had exploded in the room. Maybe this was the spare room. Her light snoring was music to my ears. I lazily climbed out of bed and walked down the passage past the porcelain ducks all in a row on the wall and round the corner into the bathroom. There were quilts of every imaginable kind. Maybe these were done by her grandmother. That’s a sign of good family values. I was thirsty and went into the kitchen and saw many beer bottles in a crate. There is a lot you can pick up about someone by looking around their apartment. Clearly she was into recycling. Poor girl probably collecting from the neighbours too. This girl is amazing. Socially conscious, a humanitarian and an animal lover. I am truly blessed.
She calls my name. I go to her. She is fumbling for her contact lenses and says that I should get back into bed. She will bring me breakfast. I am not one to argue such a point and happily oblige. She moves her knitting basket to make way on the bedside table for me. She likes crafts – I love an arty person.
She goes to fix breakfast and puts on a cd. I don’t recognise the music. I go to the lounge and look for the cd cover. It looks like a few farmers sitting in an ox-wagon. Maybe someone left it here by accident. Well we haven’t discussed music tastes yet so perhaps this is just a shot in the dark. She is tailor-made for me.
We see each other for a few weeks after that. It is wonderful. Still the coincidences are there. God is not letting me down. I can see it all so clearly.
Then she started to become distant. Somewhere along the line the communication stopped. She hardly ever answered my sms’s or my emails. I phone her and she says nothing is wrong but I am not convinced. Was there someone else? She says not. She’s just going through a tough time and needs some space. Oh…..space. Well we know what that means. I decide to go over to her place. She meets me at the door all cheery as if nothing is wrong. She is so glad to see me. I melt. Maybe it was all in my head. Silly me. It’s all wonderful again. The next morning I phone her from work to say how lovely it was to see her. She freaks out and says that I am pressuring her. What?? I feel like I have missed a few chapters and ask for clarity but this just makes things worse. I decide to leave her be for a few days. Three days later I receive a message from her. Would I like to come stay over the weekend? She misses me. I am hesitant but go anyway. It’s wonderful to see her. She has had a beer or two already and I am relieved that she appears in good spirits. We have a wonderful evening. I ask her how she has been and she becomes angry. I am confused. She becomes all aggressive and we both go to bed angry and annoyed. I wake up in the middle of the night and it sounds like I am sleeping next to a vuvuzela.
I put on the rose embroidered nightgown and decide to sleep on the couch in the lounge. I trip over the knitting basket. I feel so confused. I try and replay the evening to find out what it was that I had said that upset her so much. I must have missed something. I fall asleep.
I awake to the banging of cupboards. She can’t find her pills. I was obviously not going to get any breakfast in bed.
Things went from bad to worse. She really did own that cd. The quilts were not made by her grandmother, the beer bottles were not for recycling and that was indeed the main bedroom. She didn’t want to see me anymore. I was upset. I had asked for signs and I got the wrong information, or did I?
But that’s all in the past now. Next time I won’t be so blind. Besides I have now met Val – she is great. I just found out that she also drives a Ford……now isn’t that a coincidence?
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