Yes, we all have them – our own unique coming out story and although they may differ vastly, there’s one thing they all have in common, it is a life-changing experience. Coming out is one of the most difficult and nerve-racking experiences to face, but what a glorious victory awaits, no matter what the outcome. It takes a brave soul to risk loosing everyone you love, but believe me the gifts and gains far outweigh. Coming out is and will always be a personal choice though.
I came out at age 21 while still living with my parents and family. Mine was not received well. My whole family with the exception of my one brother denounced me and I was ordered out of the house. I was left alone with no support group. I went through the expected stages of hurt, sadness, anger, rage and eventually reached acceptance. I learned many a valuable lesson, but the one I treasure the most, is “detachment.”
Detachment, also expressed as non-attachment, is a state in which a person overcomes her attachment to desire for things, people or concepts of the world. Being detached does not mean that one can't enjoy anything or anyone. It just refers to the fact that clinging very strongly to a person, a thought pattern or an emotional habit makes it difficult to cope with life. A Buddhist saying describes detachment as "Not flattered by praise, not hurt by blame."
I allowed my family to manipulate my emotions. I was powerless, driven by guilt and emotional dependence and running the risk of losing my autonomy and independence. I needed to detach. I needed to take back my power by establishing emotional boundaries. I also needed to own my feelings as my responsibility and not blame others for the way I felt. And I did. I realized that I cannot change their feelings or thoughts, but I can change my reaction to it. I realized that to “let go” is not to deny, but to accept, not to care for, but to care about, not to fix, but to be supportive, not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future, to fear less and love myself more. I began to affirm myself as being a person who deserves healthy and wholesome relationships in my life. I realized that al that matters is how I feel about myself – my self-worth. Detachment allows oneself to take a step back and view everything more clearly and honestly. I don’t blame my family for acting how they did; it was their choice and their right and their path. My happiness is my responsibility and mine alone. Blame never accomplishes anything. Detaching and accepting heals all.
Today, 20 years on, both my parents are living with my partner and me, by choice. It is a joyful, harmonious environment with daily laughter and jokes. My coming out was ultimately an enlightened and rich gift for not only me, but especially my mother as well and we became great friends. Not everyone embraced the experience as my mother did though –some family members still have their issues…how heavy they must be. But it is THEIR issues, not mine. I now know myself and have detached from all that is not me.
We have the same story. I'm glad yours had a happy ending too 
