Fear, I had been standing in your desert far too long
footprints from passersby now long gone
and all I see
is the mist of your grey face
grinning, howling, always mocking me
you have blinded me
YOU had been my fall from grace
Fear, I have no name
for you have been feeding on my soul
devouring my spirit
shredding my heart
sucking the marrow from my bones
leaving me empty
restlessly I circle endlessly
you milled my mind
and laughed
as you blew clouds with the dust
I have no energy
the warmth of life has left me
Fear, I have screamed at you so many times
silently I fall to the ground
my voice soundly locked away
you held the key in your hand
and buried it
in a sea of endless sand
I cry out in agony
as you hide my mouth
behind the grip of your forceful hand
I stutter in silence with chapped lips
a broken sound
Fear, I am deafened by the shear of your wind
you speak a language unknown to me
I had forgotten my own words
I no longer hear my sound
you left me speechless
the rapid dog hiding in the corner
growling at the passersby
Fear, I am taking a step back from you now…
…Fear, I can see
the fear in your eyes
Fear, I can feel
that life has left you
Fear, I can hear
you have no voice
Fear, I can speak
and you shiver with fear
…Fear – YOU are the one who fears
for I had been created fearless
Liberated I stand my ground
I stand unshakable in your earthquake
I stand untouchable to your grip
Fear… this is the last time I said your name….
Fear is a real emotion to numerous gay women. The fear of coming out and getting rejected by family or friends. Fear of being lonely, unloved, rejected by God and in some circumstances even being raped.
Fear hides our faces, our bodies, our soles. It silences our voices as deafens the sound of life. It keeps us from reaching our full potential. It might even lead some to suicide.
* Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of pain. Worth noting is that fear always relates to future events, such as worsening of a situation, or continuation of a situation that is unacceptable.
I noticed how some gay people (male and female) often feel and act as ‘less worthy’ towards heterosexual people. Unfortunately we often let fear and shame, stand in our way of reacting as an equal to others. Luckily times are changing as people become more open to new ideas and suggestions. Homosexuality should not be carried as shame. It isn’t something to be shy or ashamed of. I think living without the fear of being raped, rejected, looked down upon, etc, should be a human right to gay people.
Letting go of that fear (and shame) is not easy, but can be done: realize that you are equal to all human beings. Know yourself (let go of people’s opinions of you). Love yourself. Be yourself.
Being gay doesn’t define who you are. It is only piece of the puzzle that makes your picture complete. We should accept ourselves and each other as being similar in different ways or different in similar ways. We are all equal whether you are Heterosexual, Homosexual, Transsexual, a woman or a man.
Now open the door… and live. Fear only exists if we give it a name…
© Si-lest’ 2009
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