I have a library of feelings that I could pour out – diving into my heart I find the need to want to be shepherded sometimes. Do we all walk the streets and inhabit our work places with the DNA of our day settling into the stones of the buildings. All of us now matter how strong we seem desire some form of companionship and there are those of us, who wonder if our standards are to high as we would not settle for less than what makes us shine inside.
There is an ocean out there of people who feel the same. Invariably it boils down to this – being alone is not all cut out to be as peaceful as we might want it. Sure, being in a relationship comes with many things that are taken for granted. The family visits, the need to sometimes want to actually be alone. You might even be with someone you are trying to get away from who you are with?
Here I am, doing the graveyard shift of the year in my office, taking stock and veer between enjoying being on my own and desiring some one significant who could soothe my soul and love me just the way I am. Biologically some of us actually enjoy our company, and frankly I have ceased “looking” as I am so used to being on my own. The human condition – hermits or party animals – how many people are actually both?
I know I am rambling on here – and don’t really have a point other than simply wanting to put my thoughts out there. The lesbian world seems to be so incestuous and someone you know is bound to have slept with some one you know. Is that what its all about? I don’t think so, in the depths of our beings it’s the company we desire, the person that will Shepard you when you need it and visa versa. Sure the physical sometimes over rides our good sense, my hormones have often raged ahead of my actually deep desire to share my life with someone for a period of time.
We all have morose days my beautifuls – if you are alone or with someone, simply embrace what ever feeling it is – hold it for a while, taste it share it but then reach for the better feeling as what ever you desire will come you way. It’s all about choices in the very now that we exist in.
Have a blast ladies – 2010 is going to rock.
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