I am sure that we have all had one, a cannon ball in our life. This is a being that we fall for regardless of all our usual safe instincts telling us to put the breaks on. Friends can say all they like yet we blithely let all out barriers down and forge forward regardless. By the time we have seen the truth its usually too late. Never mind what has happened or what they are saying we are left to deal with the fallout. How do we do this?
What to watch out for and how to become whole again is what this article is really all about. None of us can say that we are perfect but there are a few people out there that seem to carry a cloud of negativity around them.. These “rules” are not set in stone but sure as nuts can be a road map for self preservation.
- How many destructive people does this person have in their lives? This is usually a good indicator as to how they will behave, not because they are “bad” but this is the only learning curve that they have had and will act accordingly. They are seemingly oblivious to their lifestyle and unaware that they are wreaking havoc.
- How many relationships have they had? What was the outcome, violent and aggressive and so they still behave and speak about their exes in an aggressive manner.
- How do they react in a crises? (see my previous article) do they react or respond and is it a pattern of external blaming that is happening or is it internalised? Either can be unbalanced. If the reaction is over the top this us usually due to a lack of self esteem somewhere along the line.
- Do they manipulate the groups around them for self justification? They will generally manipulate the truth to fit their agenda of their perception. Emotions are used in communicating their perceptions to gain sympathy or justification.
- How do they react to people who point out that they are being destructive? Generally this can be a the most violent side to this type of person. They will go all our to destroy the person (even if it was a previous partner) stopping at nothing short of actual psychical violence.
- What self destruction is occurring? Excessive drinking, drug use, excessive indiscriminate sex with strangers, inability to understand other peoples personal boundaries. Support group is usually not of a high emotional intelligence group.
Right now that you are wide eyed and beating yourself up about having been so blind and feeling really stupid lets get down to healing.
- Self actualised people are independent of the good or bad opinion of others. This is a tall order but step away from the emotions and look at the facts of what had happened. Be an observer and look within deeply to see what lessons you can take from this. Protect your self esteem, impossible people are sometimes fact challenged.
- Don’t go rushing into any other relationship. Take your time to heal yourself, its very much an inner journey this. Surround yourself with WISE people who will support you when you think you cannot anymore. Use meditation techniques and positive affirmations.
- Don’t stoop to the same behaviour. Keep yourself in check here, don’t resort to behaving badly. The creed of do what thou wilt and harm none is something to keep in mind all the time here. Its pointless becoming the assistant to the destructor.
- Do all you can to be the opposite of being destructive. Be tolerant, patient, respectful and kind as they could learn from you. Be the best Being you can be, these are all the things that a destructive person is not. It is very possible that they have a personality disorder and actually need professional help.
And if you can see a councillor who just might have more tools to hold you together. Keep your support group around yourself at all times. And the last most important thing is LOVE yourself. You are beautiful.
