It’s a scary world out there. And being a lesbian isn’t always easy. But to help you along the way, here is a list of things that will hopefully help you survive being a lesbian.
01.Be financially independent before coming out
If you are financially dependent on your parents, and you suspect that they are homophobic, wait before you come out. If you are in school, finish school first. If you are studying, complete your studies. Work hard. Earn your independence. The sad true reality is that there are many kids who get disowned when they come out to homophobic parents. There are teenagers who are put out on the streets. There are students who are forced to drop out. Many parents are great and supportive. But some aren’t. Don’t let this happen to you. Make sure you can afford to stand on your own feet.
02.Don’t fish from the same pond
Sometimes it feels as if the lesbian population is the size of a small pizza of which everyone has had a bite. There aren’t that many options out there and the same girls tend to get re-cycled within a circle of lesbians. When the temptation arises to date a girl that 5 of your friends or 3 of your ex-girlfriends have dated, resist. No, she hasn’t changed. No, she won’t be different with you. And yes, you will get your fingers burnt.
03.Don’t date drug users
She’s fun. She’s funky. She’s the life of the party. She’s not really addicted. She’s just doing it for the rush. At least, that’s what she’ll have you believe. And she’ll totally go psycho on you. Drugs mess with your mind. If they didn’t, what would be the point of taking them? Drug users have a tendency of lying, paranoia, stealing (even from you), delusions and aggression. Just don’t go there. It’s not worth it.
04.Be patient with the homophobes
A lot of lesbians struggle for a very long time before embracing their sexuality. This process is by no mean easy, and it can take years, especially if you were raised in a super-conservative environment where you were taught that being gay is wrong. Keep this in mind when you encounter homophobia. It’s not something personal against you. They just really don’t know better. Don’t respond aggressively – that will only fuel their homophobia. Rather, try to let them see that you are just a normal person who happens to like the same gender. Be nice to them (it will embarrass them, or at the very least catch them off guard). Don’t flirt with them. And be patient. If many lesbians can’t accept their own sexuality overnight, then you can’t expect every straight person to immediately accept it. It takes time, patience, setting a positive example, and education. Above all, accept your own sexuality and be comfortable with it – that just makes it easier for others to be comfortable with it.
05.Know when to give up
If she hasn’t returned your call after the 10th time you tried, chances are she’s not really that into you. And she probably won’t change her mind if you try another 10 times. It might feel like it now, but she’s not the love of your life. Someday you’ll meet somebody that will love you for who you are. She’s not that person. It is time to move on. Delete her number.
06.Take responsibility for your own happiness
Happiness is something that needs to come from within. Don’t let the world around you get you down. Don’t take it personally when people judge you without bothering to get to know you. Don’t measure yourself against others. You are the only one who needs to be happy with the person you are. There are going to be people who reject you for being lesbian – you don’t need them. True friends will accept you for who you are. Accept yourself.
07.Have safe sex
I am always surprised to learn that there really are intelligent well-educated girls out there who think that girl-on-girl sex doesn’t put you at risk of contracting STD’s. Sure, the odds of you being infected with HIV from sleeping with a girl are lower than the odds of contracting it from sex with a man. But it can and does still happen. Don’t be an idiot. Be responsible and get tested. Get your partner tested. And remember that HIV is not the only sexually transmittable disease out there. For more advice on safe lesbian sex, visit
http://lesbianlife.about.com/cs/sex/a/safersex.htm
08.Don’t move in after the 2nd date
I know you are head-over-heels, and you can’t stand being a moment apart, and you really are going to live happily ever after and have each other’s kittens. But don’t show up with the moving van just yet. At the very least, keep your own place (even if you are never at home) for the first 6 months of the relationship. Let the honeymoon phase pass, and if you still know that she’s your soul-mate after 6 months, then think about it rationally and plan things properly. And while you’re in your honeymoon phase, don’t neglect your friends.
09.Don’t Judge
You want people to accept you, for who you are, right? You want people to not judge you for being lesbian? We all have our prejudices. Some were spoon-fed to us while growing up. Some we picked up along the way. But before you judge religious people, bisexuals, accountants, lesbians who wear make-up, black people, transsexuals, fat people, white people, old people, lesbians who look like men, Canadians, and people who wear home-made Star Trek jewellery… try to put yourself in their shoes first. Really, really, really, try to be open-minded.
10.Don’t be the jealous, possessive, clingy, paranoid girlfriend
If you love somebody, set her free. You can’t keep her with you by clinging and suffocating her. She needs to spend time with her friends. Sometimes, she needs to spend time with friends without you being around. Sometimes, her friends might even be hot. And it might not be easy for you, but let her go. Encourage her to not neglect her friends. Trust her. If she didn’t want to be your girlfriend, she probably wouldn’t be your girlfriend. If she rather wanted to date her friend, she probably would have. Sometimes people cheat on each other, and that really sucks. But just because your ex (or several of your ex’s) cheated on you, doesn’t mean that she will. And even if she will, no amount of possessiveness or paranoia from your side will prevent it. Rather invest your efforts towards building communication and trust into your relationship.
Good to know.
