I watched you… I looked at you as your back arched and your hand grabbed mine that was so deep inside you and as you began to shudder, you opened your eyes and said my name.
Do we ever think that we will replay this scene in our minds again? We love to think that this one is the one forever. The excitement of the first kiss, the stars in your heart and all the breathless wonder of a new love. And by the time our third/fifth/twentieth lover is in our beds the cynicism hits you. That’s when you hit the wall of needing to take time out, space. For some this never happens and you can go obliviously through life and wonder why you always feel lonely.
Taking this space is crucial to ones self discovery. The pathway to healing and not looking to a lover for completion sometimes can take years. It has been one of the most gigantic learning curves of my life. I took some time out to learn how to love myself. Learning to be alone and not lonely. I ached to be with someone, and now am thankful that it never happened within the time that I needed to learn that – I did not need someone else to validate myself. If you can love yourself the way you are there is no mirror that would be needed. Looking to someone else for completion is not what we should seek. Another being cannot complete you. You have to achieve this on your own.
And when that next person comes into your life they will have the bliss of having a whole person who does not need the other in that clinging manner. And yes it will maybe take longer to find that woman because your definition of what you want from another will match what you have become. And yes that next person might also need be forever, but it will be a far more adult and whole experience that will enrich you. Two individuals who love themselves and each other is a powerful combination.
Take the time before you move to the next one, be still and learn to know yourself.
