I recently had a beautiful thing happen to me – I took a step back from a relationship and decided to not continue being in the “status” called relationship. Now I know that I speak for my partner as well – it was a joint decision.
How cool is that? So many people who saw our statuses change online called and asked if I was ok and were bowled away by my attitude… a sense of relief coloured with sadness. The fact that we both are online saying what we had to - actually is a whole article on its own.
I did two things that I never have done before with this relationship. We had sex first, sex second and relationship last. It does not work for me. I personally need to find out who you are before I jump into bed. I feel a bit shy about saying this, but we have to have all sorts of experiences to grow.
A few weeks down the line both of us began to discover things about one another that were just so wrong for us personally as individuals. And well what do you know - it was a mutual feeling of WOW we should not be doing this thing. The second thing was me being very clear about my emotional state, my needs, my wants and my dislikes. I have never done this before, been so clear about ME. Clearly declared – “This behavior/attitude etc does NOT work for me.”
Because I have been out of a relationship for sometime I had reached a point of being very content with myself. Loving every minute of my time with myself and my daughter. It is comforting to be in your own space and frankly I wonder if it IS possible to have anyone else with me! I am firmly rooted in knowing that no one else need validate me. So therefore it would be so wrong to continue being with a Being that that actually honestly is in the same space.
So what have I actually to share other than blurting out this to the web? It is important to realise that when something “ends” it is the beginning of something else. And that when you say the words that powerfully say “no more” that this is not a failure. I don’t call this a failure I call it being true to myself above all else. Taking a step back from something that does not work for you, covers and entire spectrum of life changes. You can and may decide that this job, this car, this person is not working for you. It does not mean failure – it means growth because each time you choose NOT to pursue something you become clearer about what is right for you.
I urge caution though. As you are being gentle on yourself be gentle on all the other people around you. Be kinder than necessary as you do not really know what is in another mind. Communicate clearly. I recently read a book by a popular author who posed the question of how much is love psychical and how much is in the mind, love simply is where it is. And if you can walk away and still respect each other – I would call this mature.
Know thyself and be cautious with your heart.
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